How can a big dude write romantic scenes (Part 2)?

When it comes to romance, which of course involves women (at least for me), I’m no expert. So how in the world can a big dude write about that mushy stuff? Well, it’s a misnomer to believe that we guys don’t think about romance, because we do, just differently. Then it hit me. Why not just write it the way I feel, and that’s what I did, at first. And it didn’t turn out too bad. Several of my best reviews have been “how refreshing to see things through an actual male POV”. But given a guy and girl are required for each story, I have to do the best I can to figure out, “How would a woman respond to this situation?” I’ll admit, that’s hard, but not completely impossible. It’s not perfect, but it’s not bad either.

So how do you get an idea of how the other side thinks? The only way is through research. For the last two years I’ve spent a lot of time talking to women. Yeah, sometimes I get some strange looks, but not when I explain why I’m asking. For example, consider the question, “What degree of sensuality do you want to see in a romance scene?” Now, understand, I’ll never write, nor do I want to, a pure romance, but all my stories have a romantic core inside a suspense, thriller, etc. I have no problem conjuring up the romance premise to the storyline, but the execution of the “Do it” scenes was something I had to struggle with. How much is too much? What is it women want and are comfortable with? I know what the man is thinking, but want about the woman? I started asking questions to understand the polar differences in the way we approach relationships.

I even read a few romance novels (man, that was really really hard to do). It did help a lot. It also helped give me a new perspective about women that used to confuse the hell out of me. For example, I read a SF with a romantic core from a fantastic author named Ciara Gold. It opened my eyes to certain motivations in women that I never considered. Oh, if I would have stopped and thought, it made perfect sense, I just never pondered the question. For example, in several romance stories (like Noble Sacrifice by Ciara Gold) the heroine wanted to help the hero overcome the obstacles thrown in their path. You know, like a team. In life, I was so busy being the big alpha male slaying the dragons on my own; I never considered that a woman would want to attack the demons by my side. This “Holy crap” moment actually helped me to view my own personal relationship differently. Not that I was bad at it, but everything can benefit from improvement.

I’ll conclude this post next time, till then,
Big Mike signing off
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