Ladies – What terrific responses you have provided. The one consistent theme that hit me was diversity of perspective. We all have views based on the history and experiences we bring with us. And I swear, I do understand how difficult and unfair it is when a woman must deal with a man that has an inferiority complex and has to try and dominant someone smaller than them. I’ve never encountered it directed at me, but I’ve sure as hell witnessed it.
But let me give another angle to my perspective. Its based on a concept in human behavioral studies knew as transcendental analysis. Its a premise that human communication occurs at three levels: Parental, adult, and child. The idea level (Adult) is where two people have a factual exchange. When one of the two sinks into the “child” level, they become aggressive, yelling, angry, frustrated, whiny, just like a child. You can only have factual exchange (which is what you want) at the adult level. The person that continues to exchange at the adult level (e.g. not sinking to aggression, yelling, angry, etc) in most cases will elevate the one at the child level back into the adult mode. They actually conducted experiments in it. The other benefit is that in a professional surrounding, the one that sinks and remains at the child level appears as the child and loses the discussion by default in the eyes or all observers. No need to discuss the “parental” level cause it doesn’t pertain to aggressive behavior.
If you reread my post, you’ll notice that in the example I gave about the jerk at the pentagon, I sank into the child mode and everyone loss, including me. But I do learn, and I always attempt now to remain at the adult (factual level). Like in the example with the woman that was rude and disruptive to me when I was briefing. I maintained my discussion at the adult level, and I won, or at least achieved my goal and gained tremendous respect from those at the briefing.
My take in Candace’s example was that she remained at the adult (professional) level and achieved her goal. My view is she was not aggressive.
Great discussion and thanks for participating.
Big Mike
Michael Davis
Davisstories.com
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3 users responded in this post
Yeah, I agree with what you said. I have always thought that workers who resort to yelling are behaving like children. Mature adults know how to communicate without yelling, screaming, using profanity, or whining. I try and teach my kids the same thing, and so far, so good. They act more mature than some adults I know, lol.
I totally agree, Michael. I taught family living at the high school level and this was one of our lessons in communication. Of course, it didn’t always take, and truthfully, I had to struggle on occasion to remain in the adult mode.
I think in dealing with young children, this is so important.
Great post.
I agree Mindy. I taught both my boys Trans analysis and it has served them well, even when dealing with their ladies. Its funny to watch them apply it, and it works. It also makes for less frustration when you come home from the office, not that I do that anymore, being retired.
Later
Big Mike
Davisstories.com