So Big Mike and I were talking on the phone the other day about our current collaboration, tentatively titled Whispers of Innocence. I wrote a scene with a character who was less than, shall we say, nice. Actually, he was a total scumbag who was giving our heroine a hard time in a donut shop.The heroine is rather amply endowed and I had the bad guy making comments about her breasts in a very explicit, crude and sexist fashion.
Big Mike took exception to the guy’s comments because he didn’t think it was realistic. Now maybe it’s because Mike was raised as a Southern gentleman and I was raised around men in an auto parts store, but we had a slight difference of opinion. Big Mike contends that the hero would never have stood by while this dialogue was going on, even if the woman was a complete stranger. Alas, but not all men are as chivalrous.
I can think of several instances where I’ve encountered a real jackass. I’ve had an ex-boyfriend slash my tires and throw a knife into the headlights on my beloved Chevy Camaro Berlinetta while I watched. In a previous post, I related how a manager of mine in the auto parts store pounded his fist on the counter mere inches from my face. I’ve been the target of many a raised fist (that luckily never made contact due to the man’s better judgment kicking in at the last minute). I’ve head crude comments when I was walking down the street, such as “Hey honey! Looking good! Want to come for a ride with me?” I’ve seen rude hand gestures, heard smoochy noises, and been subjected to unwanted touching and groping.
In none of these cases did some knight in shining armor come to my rescue, even when there were other men around. Nope, I was on my own.
I have to think I’m not the only one. Ladies, tell me if you’ve encountered a similar circumstance in your life.
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Eons ago while still in high school, I worked in a men’s clothing store part time. One evening an obnoxious man was being overtly crude to me, and it just happened to be when the manager was on break. I was the only girl-clerk, and the salesmen on the floor pretended not to hear. However, this tall, swarthy complexed, dark-eyed stranger walked up, whispered something in the man’s ear that had him turn white and practically run out of the door in seconds. Two and half years later, I married the dark-eyed man and we’re still married.
I’ve talked to women who have had problems. I guess I’m lucky. The only time anyone tried something with me, I was with my husband. Oh, yes, he sure came to my defense. No fists flew, but it was a close thing.
Allison
Oh Angelica, what a sweet story! That is a romance novel in itself. Thanks for sharing.
And thank you, too, Allison for chiming in – even though you confirmed Big Mike’s stance…
I’ll tell you Candy, you’re not the only one. I worked as a security guard for a distrbution center of well known department store. I was on camera/lot duty.
A man came zipping into the parking lot well above the speed limit. He drove the wrong way up the aisles to a parking spot. By the time his car was stopped I was out in the lot waiting on him. I informed him of the infractions he had earned and was warning him that after “x” number of infractions his job would be lost. I was explaining this, he stepped up, fist cocked demanding that I state if he was fired or not so he could go back home and drink.
The man was around 6 feet tall and he continued to step into my face, his fist waving. I glanced around to find three of my fellow security guards standing near the front door watching. None of these three men came to my defense.
I became increasingly angry and I stepped back in the mans face, my own fist raised. “Go ahead you SOB! Hit me! Come on, I dare ya! Do it! It’ll be the last thing you EVER do, I promise you that!”
He looked unsure then backed off. I let him go on into the building then after my quaking legs would support me I stormed up to my fellow guards. “Thanks a lot,” I spat, seething. “You were all just gonna stand here with your thumbs up your butts?!?!?!”
“No,” one of them replied. He leaned in close and whispered, “But as you started to go off on the guy I was too afraid to come over…”
I have to admit that I beleive your location has everything to do with it. The incident I described above occured in Wisconsin. However when I worked here in Missouri–also in security–my fellow guards did have my back. The men were very protective of me and I was treated with a great deal of respect.
Donica
Now for the rest of the story. I had no problem with the fact of some males with identity problems being crude because they were never mentored to understand what a real man is like. My point was that in four decades of adulthood, I have never seen scum balls be that crude.
Yes, Candace is correct that I have boxed the ears of some scum balls and sent them on their way, sometimes to my sorrow in the aftermath of repercussions. I have jumped into physical abuse cases, stopped sexual harassment situation, and other events that were not my business because that is the way I was raised, in the same way I mentored my boys, but here’s the catch. Candace used a three letter word that started with “T” to refer to the upper potion of a woman. My comment was that in forty years of public activity in stores, bars, and restaurants, I have never heard any stranger make that statement in public, and the hero I am creating would never have tolerated that brashness without ripping the scum balls tongue out, and I still stand by that statement.
Not that some jerks aren’t crude (like, “Hey babe, are those real”), but even scum balls have limits.
Michael Davis (Davisstories.com)
Author of the Year, 2008
Donica,
That’s a great story to share. Good for you for scaring the bejesus out of the guy(s)!
I don’t know if it’s so much WHERE you are, but WHAT you do.
In your case you were a security guard. In my case (most of the time) I was in auto parts or working on motorcycles. All of those jobs are traditionally staffed with more men than women. I guess men think that if we can do a man’s job, then we can stick up for ourselves…
Big Mike – I think it largely has to do with where you were raised, somewhat as Donica stated.
Sorry, but I’ve rarely encountered a chivalrous guy, but have definitely gone round the block a time or two with a potty-mouthed scumbag.
In fact, it started as early as when I was 12 years old. Even dad wasn’t around to defend me – even though he was usually working just across the building from me in the auto parts store. Believe me, I’ve heard lots of rude words, and in 2 languages (Spanish and English).
Well, this discussion has me thinking. I can’t remember in my 63 years having a man make such rude remarks to me. Now, I’m not well endowed. I had whistles on occasion as a young woman and my ten year old son took exception to a man looking at my butt one time, but can’t think of any other incidents.
As far as ever feeling threatened, I’ve not experienced this either. Guess I’ve lead a calm existance. The majority of my jobs were in teaching. Now, I’ve heard many an adolescent boy make suggestive remarks, gestures, etc. to the girl students and had to nip that in the bud.