I take exception to this because not every woman has a dragon that needs to be slain. There are many of us who are perfectly self-sufficient. For many years, I lived in a very rural setting all by myself and got along just fine; other years I lived in the big city by myself and never felt threatened there, either.

While I can understand Big Mike’s take on the “male role”, it just doesn’t always apply.

There are many things a woman can do to keep herself protected. She can learn self defense, she can buy a gun or a taser, she can own a big dog, and she can get a home security installed for ultimate peace of mind. In fact, Home Security Family offers home security systems for free when signing up for an ADT security monitoring system; if you sign up today at their ADT Security website, you receive a $100 rebate. What could be simpler?

None of these things requires a man in her life. Yeah, men are good for a few things, but they don’t always have to function as our protector. Some of us can take care of ourselves just fine, thank you.

And BTW, we don’t all worry about our butt looking too big…

Women are composed of circles and men are composed of squares. A simple concept we can explore a bit further.

A woman’s life is comprised of a myriad of different roles – wife, mother, the maintainer of the household, an employee (or boss), a creative type, and all the other things we women do and are. Some of us enjoy working on crafts; others like to go hunting. Some love cooking; others love yard work. Whatever the woman’s interests and strengths, she is usually expected to be the one in the household who takes care of lots of different things – paying bills, making sure everyone in the family is fed, taking care of kids and pets, etc.

The center circle is the woman herself. Around her, and overlapping that central circle, are additional circles where she places each of her responsibilities. One circle represents employment, one is children, one is personal time, one is for relationships with friends, one is the family mediator, etc. All of them overlap. So, when a woman comes home at the end of a long, hard day at work, this circle of work is still influencing the other areas, such as family and children. She can’t push one circle outside the arrangement; instead it influences everything else.

Men, on the other hand, are represented by a square. Their additional squares of SEX, employment, hobbies, family, kids, whatever, are all lined up outside that center square. When the man comes home after a hard day at work, he can jump from that square and into the square that represents his family life or sitting comfortably on the couch to TV. Gone are thoughts of the job square, or anything else that doesn’t have immediate significance.

That is why men and women think differently. It’s why women have been so often attributed the old line about, “not tonight, dear, I have a headache”. It’s because we can’t keep those other circles from affecting our mood. Have you ever broken up with a man only to have him ask you for sex one last time? That’s his square personality at work. The sex square is the largest and most powerful and the one he jumps into most often, regardless of what other emotions he just experienced!

So thanks, Sheryl, for explaining it in a way that makes sense.

I had never voiced that trait of the female mind that way, but I had to agree with his observation. I’ve talked to other men who have come to the same conclusion: women have self imposed demons that tug at their spirit, chastise them, make them belittle the wonderful creatures they are. “I’m too fat”, “My fingernails are ugly”, “Was I to slutty last night”, “Was I too reserved”, “Am I a good wife”, “Am I a good mother”, and the list goes on and on. The only voice we guys have is “Is my little buddy sufficient to please her”, and “Did I last long enough”, (you’ll notice they’re both sexual demons, but what would you expect from rutting animals). Everything else, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, except if we lose our job or the woman we love, then we beat ourselves up like crazy.

I’m not sure why the difference exists, but it does. Read the magazines tuned to the ladies, or watch the shows like Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc. Many of the topics they discuss deal with the voices that haunt women. In our novel Veil of Deception, I actually had the hero struggling to understand this pain women endure and try to help the heroine stop whacking herself. This is not in anyway a dig on women, just the contrary. I came to the recognition of this reality late in my marriage (about ten years ago) and decided to do everything I could to help the woman I love vanquish her hovering demons. Several times a day, I tell my mate how much I love her, how damn good she looks, how her butt turns me on, what a great job she did or whatever, and the truth is, all those statements are true, but women need to hear them. Now, I don’t do this in the hopes of getting a little more lovin’ (wouldn’t work anyway). I do it, and have mentored my son’s to follow suit, in order to help my wife, my grand daughter, my sister, all the terrific ladies I care about to understand what a gift they are too us men.

I’m not sure why all those voices exist; maybe its upbringing, perhaps hormones, perhaps because of past years of struggling for equality. What ever the cause, I believe as men we have to recognize its not an attempt on our ladies part to confuse us or drive us nuts. It’s just another reason we have to love them all the more and help swat away those demons when ever we can.

See ya soon

Michael Davis (Davisstories.com)

Author of the year, 2008

After three decades of marriage, I’ve concluded that men suffer from what I call “Moth to the flame” syndrome. Even though we’ve been burned by the fire, we always come back again What do I mean? I have been sent out on a hundred assignments by my boss, and every single time I screw up, but instead of just saying, “Oh, no, there’s no way you’re going to get me this time”, I do it over and over again. And it’s not only me. All my buds suffer from the same sad condition.

Case in point. My wife wanted a new floor mat for the front door and assigned me the job of running down to the store and getting it (the old one was too ugly and we had company coming in from out of town). Now, in my defense, I did ask, “What color?”, “Doesn’t matter,” What shape?”, “doesn’t matter”, “What size?” “Doesn’t matter.” Well you get the idea. The kicker is that I ran through the same series of probing questions every time before, but I still always got the wrong thing, and like a moth to the flame, I always raced back into the fire again and again.

As I pondered carefully at the store over a four-dollar purchase, a young man saw me struggling and came over to help the old man examining every single floor mat in the display over and over.

“Can I help you, Sir?”

“Afraid not, Son.”

“Well, I’d like to try.”

“All right. My wife sent me to the store to find…” I didn’t have to finish my thought. With a sad expression and an understanding tone, he slowly shook his head. “I hear you brother.”

“Then you know…”

“Yes, I know. No matter what you do, it will be wrong.”

We both synchronized with lamenting head nods while the young man shared his own experience.

“Two weeks ago, I asked my newlywed wife, ‘Babe, what’d say we drive up the Blue Ridge and afterward stop for lunch. This will be your day, what ever you want.’ You see, I thought I was doing a good thing. I even asked, ‘What time do you want to stop for lunch’ and she said, ‘Oh, I don’t care you decide’ So around 1100 we were passing peaks of otter (a local restaurant) and she mentioned, ‘Isn’t that a cute little place over there?’ I nodded in agreement and kept driving. After another fifteen minutes I noticed the car had become strangely quiet. She was no longer humming or chatting about this and that. All the morning cheer had been replaced by a frown. ‘What’s the matter, Babe?’ I asked. She looked out the window and announced, ‘You don’t really love me anymore, do you?’ Man, I swear, I almost ran off the road. ‘What? Well of course I love you. You mean everything to me.’ ,‘Then why didn’t you stop when I asked you to? I thought you said this trip was about me?’”

I could see moisture forming in the poor boy’s eyes. “I swear man. I never knew when she said that ‘cute little place’ she meant…”

I firmly patted his shoulder and suggested, “I know son. Don’t try to figure it out. Just accept the inevitable. You will always be wrong. As the years go by, you’ll grow to accept your destiny, grasshopper.”

We both shook hands and departed with a profound appreciation for a man’s suffering and willingness to continually return to the flame. Oh, and I did get the wrong floor mat, but you knew that was coming didn’t you?

Michael Davis (Davisstories.com)
Author of the year, 2008

With women, it’s more subtle, hell, it’s down right foggy what message they’re sending. Now for a player (a guy that’s only looking to build up his list of conquests and expects three rejections for every successful penetration), he doesn’t give a hoot about rejection or insulting a woman; to him it’s part of the game. But for most men when they want more, and yet don’t want to appear forward, how do they tell if she is interested enough to risk the shoot down?

Before I started writing romantic suspense, I queried a dozen female friends for their insights, but their responses were clear as mud; a toss of the hair, a smile, crossing the legs, etc. So every time a woman does that, she’s interested? Lord did I miss out on a lot of opportunity. Point is, those signals are ambiguous to a guy that does not want to be offensive. My son once asked, “Dad is there any absolute signal that says she’s interested? My best advice was “Son, if she opens her personal sphere to include you, that’s a real good sign.” By that I meant, if she momentarily touches your shoulder, rubs your arm, tickles your back, stokes your leg, removes a non existent hair from your chest, any of those are strong, but not absolute signals.

Love to hear the counter point on this one, ladies.

Big Mike
Davisstories.com